Monday, December 26, 2005
i don't think ever in my life have i ever disappoint someone so badly, they've become numb to it, or even tell me oh i've expected it. so god if u actually exist which i don't think you do but still if u do exist let me ask you, what have i done to deserve being let down so many times, i actually don't feel the pain anymore? i don't feel the heart tearing, or the sudden pain or even tears which i should? it is not ok for me to feel this way, this year wasnt easy really. one of my supposingly best friend betrayed me, flirted with my guy, lost miserably and still think she's right. having people telling me they actually know me more than i do and expects me to do exactly what they say. having the guy i made my life framing me, went thru depression, fall in and out of love again.pardon me for the many YOUS becos this entry isnt about 1 person but a big bunch of assholes
dont console me because i am not hurt, the stupid rainy weather isnt effecting me and ive lost interest dancing in the rain, i don't care if u call him a bastard her a slut, him a wussy her a bitch, him an asshole her a whore
this blog was used to pour out my feelings at least in the past it was of some use now, even if blood drips all over it, it will still be useless.
i am not someone who keeps my feelings inside why suffer alone rant out if you want, i didn't mean to hurt you with things i say but instead u are protecting yourself by hurting me, i make a good gf but a horrible ex gf and an even worse friend.
all ive ever heard was the things ive done that u're unhappy with but i have never once heard u tell me but its alright just don't do it again.
don't ask me what i expect of you, ask yourself what do u expect of yourself because i cant tell u what to do how to walk your life
i ought to hate those who gave me all these pain trust me if i didnt care this entry won't be up here but trust me once more i'm letting all of you go =)
i remember char told me once long ago. thats the thing about u i like most the ability to stand up and love again even after being let down and stepped on.
but char you didn't know it wasn't easy the road to recovery the numerous times i fell down and i had no one but myself.
2005 is drawing to an end
this is not a permission but a dare
Monday, December 26, 2005
